Thursday, December 22, 2005
The Strike is OVER!
Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Happy Holidaze!
With the transit strike still holding its ugly clutches over the city, I’m high-tailing it out of here first thing tomorrow morning. Since I won’t be returning until New Year’s, I’m hoping and praying that this is all worked out by then. Rumor in the gossip mill is that it very well might get worked out this afternoon.
I still stand by the union, but the aftermath of this strike is absolutely devastating. However it happens, something needs to be remedied and soon!
But in any case…I hope you, dear faithful reader, have a beautiful Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, and NEW YEAR’S!
I’m sure I’ll be back in here during the week, but I wanted to wish you all a “Happy Holiday”!
Thank you for another wonderful year of blogging!
Much love…
With the transit strike still holding its ugly clutches over the city, I’m high-tailing it out of here first thing tomorrow morning. Since I won’t be returning until New Year’s, I’m hoping and praying that this is all worked out by then. Rumor in the gossip mill is that it very well might get worked out this afternoon.
I still stand by the union, but the aftermath of this strike is absolutely devastating. However it happens, something needs to be remedied and soon!
But in any case…I hope you, dear faithful reader, have a beautiful Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, and NEW YEAR’S!
I’m sure I’ll be back in here during the week, but I wanted to wish you all a “Happy Holiday”!
Thank you for another wonderful year of blogging!
Much love…
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
NYC Transit Strike 2005
History in the making!
For those of us New Yawkers that had the option, today is like a snow day! I woke up a bit early this morning and ran to my television totally assuming that the subways would still be running. But to my absolute surprise and delight, the Metropolitan Transit Authority had walked off the job around 4am. My morning news show was already in high gear and a smile crept across my sleepy face.
I lit my cigarette and watched intently as the streets, bridges, and tunnels of NYC began filling up to the point of absurdity. Rush hour began at 4am and at noon, it still hasn’t subsided.
I called my boss and explained that I wouldn’t even attempt at getting to work today. I live about 155 blocks from my job and with complete chaos outside of my Financial District apartment, I figured it was safer (and more enjoyable) to stay at home. I jumped back in bed to get a few more hours of sleep, but as I lay there, I just got more and more excited!
Within minutes, I was back out of bed and in front of the television. Another cigarette in hand and I picked up my phone and called my parents and friends and even 311 just to hear what other people were hearing.
It’s been 25 years since the last transit strike and it’s been estimated that the city will face a 400 million dollar loss per day. Horrifying. That being said, the pure excitement of having a news story so massive affect me personally is almost too much to bear! Even CNN is running round the clock reports. So fucking cool.
Personally, this type of event is devastating for millions of people and I do empathize with that. But also, I’m one to vehemently support the underdogs and I’m sticking by the Union on this one. As much as I loathe the transit system in this city, it’s a job that I wouldn’t want no matter how much the pay was and it’s a job that carries so much stress and headaches that I truly believe that these people should stick to their guns and fight it out.
There will be major repercussions for this type of walk out – legally, economically, etc. This has the potential of causing major damage to the transit union and it’s affiliates. But that’s what fighting for your rights is all about. While it may seem a bit extreme, Rosa Parks (who JUST recently passed away), staged a personal protest of her own despite the consequences involved. And she changed history forever!
You go TWU and you get what you and your families are deserved. 8%, each year for 3 years, may have been a bit excessive, but when you lowered your demands to less than 6% and began to negotiate the health benefits and the retirement plans, the MTA refused to budge and called your bluff.
Well guess what MTA? Bluff called. Stop being such miserly, domineering, bullying bastards. It’s Christmas after all. And the people who run your subways deserve every bit of comfort that you and your high paid positions offer you.
Sure, this is a hassle for all of us, especially if the strike lasts through the holidays.
But the common theme among all New Yorkers that were interviewed during their morning commute was “I’ll figure out a way to get to work and I’ll figure out a way to continue my life. We are New Yorkers and we stand together, united. FIGHT THE POWER TWU!”
God, I just love this city. Even in the midst of panic, we find a way to help each other out and to make it all work. Hundreds of cars picking up stranded people on the street, everyone stopping to offer information, policeman working round the clock to ensure safety and assistance to anyone who requires it…its days like today that make me feel so proud to be a member of this incredible community.
Of course there’s the other side of the coin – the bosses, the people who don’t make money if they can’t get to work, the big corporations who own and run our beautiful city…
But I think it takes an exceptionally selfish person to expect that the subway union should be treated any less than the way that the rest of us expect to be treated. Unions fight for our protection and they give us a medium in which to attain some reasonable power. If big business thinks THEY can intimidate the lower rungs into doing what THEY demand we do…well…that’s why we’re in the position that we’re in.
It may take me a good three hours to get to work tomorrow. And if the strike continues throughout the week, it may take me a good three hours to do every little thing that I need to do. But as a true blue New Yorker, as a proud New Yorker, and as a New Yorker who is a member of the lower rung of the ladder, I say…
Do what you have to do and don’t settle until you feel that you’ve been given what you deserve. This city can’t run without the MTA and it’s about time we started giving the people who keep it moving, the respect, the money, and the support that they deserve.
Strikers…you are not only fighting for the TWU. You are fighting for every member of every union in this city. Make a point. And regardless of the consequences, teach big business the lesson that should have been learned years ago.
History in the making!
For those of us New Yawkers that had the option, today is like a snow day! I woke up a bit early this morning and ran to my television totally assuming that the subways would still be running. But to my absolute surprise and delight, the Metropolitan Transit Authority had walked off the job around 4am. My morning news show was already in high gear and a smile crept across my sleepy face.
I lit my cigarette and watched intently as the streets, bridges, and tunnels of NYC began filling up to the point of absurdity. Rush hour began at 4am and at noon, it still hasn’t subsided.
I called my boss and explained that I wouldn’t even attempt at getting to work today. I live about 155 blocks from my job and with complete chaos outside of my Financial District apartment, I figured it was safer (and more enjoyable) to stay at home. I jumped back in bed to get a few more hours of sleep, but as I lay there, I just got more and more excited!
Within minutes, I was back out of bed and in front of the television. Another cigarette in hand and I picked up my phone and called my parents and friends and even 311 just to hear what other people were hearing.
It’s been 25 years since the last transit strike and it’s been estimated that the city will face a 400 million dollar loss per day. Horrifying. That being said, the pure excitement of having a news story so massive affect me personally is almost too much to bear! Even CNN is running round the clock reports. So fucking cool.
Personally, this type of event is devastating for millions of people and I do empathize with that. But also, I’m one to vehemently support the underdogs and I’m sticking by the Union on this one. As much as I loathe the transit system in this city, it’s a job that I wouldn’t want no matter how much the pay was and it’s a job that carries so much stress and headaches that I truly believe that these people should stick to their guns and fight it out.
There will be major repercussions for this type of walk out – legally, economically, etc. This has the potential of causing major damage to the transit union and it’s affiliates. But that’s what fighting for your rights is all about. While it may seem a bit extreme, Rosa Parks (who JUST recently passed away), staged a personal protest of her own despite the consequences involved. And she changed history forever!
You go TWU and you get what you and your families are deserved. 8%, each year for 3 years, may have been a bit excessive, but when you lowered your demands to less than 6% and began to negotiate the health benefits and the retirement plans, the MTA refused to budge and called your bluff.
Well guess what MTA? Bluff called. Stop being such miserly, domineering, bullying bastards. It’s Christmas after all. And the people who run your subways deserve every bit of comfort that you and your high paid positions offer you.
Sure, this is a hassle for all of us, especially if the strike lasts through the holidays.
But the common theme among all New Yorkers that were interviewed during their morning commute was “I’ll figure out a way to get to work and I’ll figure out a way to continue my life. We are New Yorkers and we stand together, united. FIGHT THE POWER TWU!”
God, I just love this city. Even in the midst of panic, we find a way to help each other out and to make it all work. Hundreds of cars picking up stranded people on the street, everyone stopping to offer information, policeman working round the clock to ensure safety and assistance to anyone who requires it…its days like today that make me feel so proud to be a member of this incredible community.
Of course there’s the other side of the coin – the bosses, the people who don’t make money if they can’t get to work, the big corporations who own and run our beautiful city…
But I think it takes an exceptionally selfish person to expect that the subway union should be treated any less than the way that the rest of us expect to be treated. Unions fight for our protection and they give us a medium in which to attain some reasonable power. If big business thinks THEY can intimidate the lower rungs into doing what THEY demand we do…well…that’s why we’re in the position that we’re in.
It may take me a good three hours to get to work tomorrow. And if the strike continues throughout the week, it may take me a good three hours to do every little thing that I need to do. But as a true blue New Yorker, as a proud New Yorker, and as a New Yorker who is a member of the lower rung of the ladder, I say…
Do what you have to do and don’t settle until you feel that you’ve been given what you deserve. This city can’t run without the MTA and it’s about time we started giving the people who keep it moving, the respect, the money, and the support that they deserve.
Strikers…you are not only fighting for the TWU. You are fighting for every member of every union in this city. Make a point. And regardless of the consequences, teach big business the lesson that should have been learned years ago.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Holiday Party 2005
Mariah’s girlfriend, Jessica, and I threw the Holiday party this year. There was food and drinks and a fun game…and most importantly…everyone came! There were like 10 people in a small NYC space eating and laughing and drinking. It was wonderful.
And when it was nearing the end of the party, I started to get achingly sad again.
In the past, Paul would have had to work and most likely wouldn’t have come to the party anyway. But I would still know that I had a boyfriend and that I fit in with everyone else at the party who was coupled up.
I’m having an incredibly difficult time with this break up.
You’d think I was going through menopause. If I get talking about my current living situation, the tears rush into my eyes and my voice immediately chokes up. The sadness I feel is covered up by my need to keep everything “normal”, but it’s real and scary and absolutely devastating.
When everyone else left the party, they were arm in arm with their loved one, celebrating holiday feelings. I got into a cab by myself and stared out the window on the drive home.
Logically I know that I have to go through this time period and eventually I’ll come out on top. I just never thought it would be this monumentally heart-breaking.
I hate the word “lonely” now. Cuz I feel like it defines me. It’s become how I feel and although I resist it, it’s become who I am.
I don’t know.
I’m not resentful of the happiness around me. I just wish I could take part in it a little. I have a hard enough time being happy to begin with. But…
It’s ok.
I’m cool. Always cool.
Mariah’s girlfriend, Jessica, and I threw the Holiday party this year. There was food and drinks and a fun game…and most importantly…everyone came! There were like 10 people in a small NYC space eating and laughing and drinking. It was wonderful.
And when it was nearing the end of the party, I started to get achingly sad again.
In the past, Paul would have had to work and most likely wouldn’t have come to the party anyway. But I would still know that I had a boyfriend and that I fit in with everyone else at the party who was coupled up.
I’m having an incredibly difficult time with this break up.
You’d think I was going through menopause. If I get talking about my current living situation, the tears rush into my eyes and my voice immediately chokes up. The sadness I feel is covered up by my need to keep everything “normal”, but it’s real and scary and absolutely devastating.
When everyone else left the party, they were arm in arm with their loved one, celebrating holiday feelings. I got into a cab by myself and stared out the window on the drive home.
Logically I know that I have to go through this time period and eventually I’ll come out on top. I just never thought it would be this monumentally heart-breaking.
I hate the word “lonely” now. Cuz I feel like it defines me. It’s become how I feel and although I resist it, it’s become who I am.
I don’t know.
I’m not resentful of the happiness around me. I just wish I could take part in it a little. I have a hard enough time being happy to begin with. But…
It’s ok.
I’m cool. Always cool.
On Nights Like This
When the worlds a bit amiss...
I've realized tonight that it's really hard to be EVERYONE'S #2 guy, but NOBODY'S #1 guy.
That's one of the lonliest parts of being single, I guess.
When the worlds a bit amiss...
I've realized tonight that it's really hard to be EVERYONE'S #2 guy, but NOBODY'S #1 guy.
That's one of the lonliest parts of being single, I guess.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Rita and Ruby
I just had the absolute pleasure of talking to Miss Rita Lovely on the phone.
Miss Rita had her baby, Ruby, over a week ago and this is the first chance (since the birth) that we've gotten to talk. God, I just love her. Rita, not Ruby............hahaha. Rita AND Ruby. I'm not used to sharing. :)
Rita is my BEST girl EVER. I mean, she's everything to me. And now she has given birth to part of her and I...well...I couldn't be more...happy.
When I talk to Rita and I hear Ruby in the background moaning and gurgling away, I think...OMG. Rita is holding little Rita...
If ever there was a baby that I felt more possessive, protective, and in love with...there wouldn't be. Ruby is mine. Because Rita is mine.
I sound like an idiot.
Fine.
Because I love Rita so much...somehow I've fallen in love with Ruby that much too. Is that normal? Probably. But it's real. And I have a sick stomach when I think about it. I love Ruby Lovely. Purely, truly, with genuine intentions...I have never felt so fulfilled. Never.
Never.
I hope your nipples stand the test Reets...
I hope you get some sleep...
But overall...
I hope you realize that I've never loved a girl more
and
I've never loved a baby more than that girl.
You both are the happiest part of my life.
I just had the absolute pleasure of talking to Miss Rita Lovely on the phone.
Miss Rita had her baby, Ruby, over a week ago and this is the first chance (since the birth) that we've gotten to talk. God, I just love her. Rita, not Ruby............hahaha. Rita AND Ruby. I'm not used to sharing. :)
Rita is my BEST girl EVER. I mean, she's everything to me. And now she has given birth to part of her and I...well...I couldn't be more...happy.
When I talk to Rita and I hear Ruby in the background moaning and gurgling away, I think...OMG. Rita is holding little Rita...
If ever there was a baby that I felt more possessive, protective, and in love with...there wouldn't be. Ruby is mine. Because Rita is mine.
I sound like an idiot.
Fine.
Because I love Rita so much...somehow I've fallen in love with Ruby that much too. Is that normal? Probably. But it's real. And I have a sick stomach when I think about it. I love Ruby Lovely. Purely, truly, with genuine intentions...I have never felt so fulfilled. Never.
Never.
I hope your nipples stand the test Reets...
I hope you get some sleep...
But overall...
I hope you realize that I've never loved a girl more
and
I've never loved a baby more than that girl.
You both are the happiest part of my life.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Happy Trails...
Have a GREAT weekend shit cutters! Get some rest, have some fun, and most importantly, get ready for the upcoming holidays!
FART!
(like that was at all necessary)
Have a GREAT weekend shit cutters! Get some rest, have some fun, and most importantly, get ready for the upcoming holidays!
FART!
(like that was at all necessary)
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
3 Weeks of Chaos
During my college days, my friends and I came up with the theory of “3 Weeks of Chaos”. This is the three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas and aptly named since so much crazy shit used to happen during this time period. Since college, the cycle hasn’t broken as is evident by the list of shit that’s gone down since I’ve returned from stuffing my face with turkey and mashed potatoes.
To start the chaos appropriately, my dad went a little haywire over Thanksgiving and said some unnecessary and hurtful shit to various members of the family. To his benefit (or embarrassment), he was pretty drunk at the time and the shit he said was in no way a reflection of how he feels deep down. Or was it? Whichever, my dad was an alcoholic for many years and still falls back into the nasty routine every once in a while. Although I’ve learned to live with this aspect of his personality, the wounds are always raw and fresh every time there is a new incident. I, basically, came back from my Thanksgiving weekend feeling like garbage.
Then my friend Rita gave birth! I totally think she should have named the baby “3 Weeks of Chaos” in keeping with tradition. But I guess “Ruby” is a fine name as well. It totally figures that the first baby born to one of my closest friends would happen between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ve never felt so proud of my dear Rita and I never needed a positive BOOST the way I needed this one. How can you feel bad about yourself when you look at a picture of Ruby with her precious little face and her tiny baby fingernails? I just love her so much already.
Although Paul and I broke up at the tail end of the summer, it’s like we’ve been breaking up with each other every day since. We made the decision to live together for one more year – based on finances, our friendship, and our fear of being completely alone. Ok, maybe that last one was more my fear than his, but I digress. Just about every single person in my life has told me that I’m making a mistake by living with him still and all that does is make it harder for me to survive this experience. Things are not going well with Paul and I spend quite a bit of time angry or in tears. But after 5 years together, should I expect anything less? Last night Paul and I had a conversation that left me scared and shaken for our future – not as boyfriends, but as the friends I thought we were. We’ve both got so much residual anger and hurt that I don’t think it will ever be possible for us to salvage any sort of a relationship. It’s incredibly devastating and the hardest part is that I don’t feel like I have a solid group of friends here to carry me through the hard times. Sure, I’ve got a million friends, but no group that shows up at my door with movies, junk food, and Kleenex. Starting over as a 28 year old single guy in NYC has turned out to be one of the loneliest and most difficult things I’ve ever had to go through. And the worst part is? I’ve never felt so shitty about myself before; as though I’m not worth being loved.
On top of all of this, I got touched by the hand of sickness last week and was in bed for days and days. Not only did I feel like crapcity, my emotions were really low and I crashed hard. My ever present depression made sure to remind me that I’m not in the clear and in fact, I still have a long road to go. There were definitely thoughts of suicide or hurting myself, but sometimes I feel so low that even THAT seems like too much effort. So I lay and stare at the wall and just wait until it’s time to go to bed, hoping that I’ll feel just a little bit better after a night’s rest.
Conversely, my therapist is extremely happy with the progress I’ve made in therapy. She is constantly reminding me that facing my demons, rather than running away, is always going to be a harder path to take, but it’s also going to be the path that leads me to personal growth and triumph. I cry every time I talk to Sophie and she hands me tissues and tells me to “let it out”. I’ve discovered the root to quite a few of my personal issues with family and friends and although I’m not at the point where I can fully let go of the anger, I’m definitely at the point where I can admit that my feelings are real and justifiable. If I were to come up with a “Cut the Shit Person of the Year”, it would clearly be Miss Sophie. While it may not feel like I’ve made headway in my personal life, Sophie consistently reminds me of the place I was at when I entered into therapy back in March. During this three week’s of chaos, I’m very lucky to have her standing by my side, encouraging me to take steps towards my recovery.
This year I made some incredible new friends: Tessafress, Randy, Tre-dawg, and Adam. I’ve spent many nights hanging out with them at their Alphabet City apartment, playing games, singing, laughing, and most importantly, feeling special. Since Thanksgiving, they’ve even met most of my close knit group of friends and they actually got along famously! So while sometimes I feel alone and pitiful, I try to remember my nights out with these people. And I know that if it ever gets really bad in my world, I can jump in a cab and head over to 5th street for some love and hugs. I’ve been told that I always have a place to stay in case things get unbearable in my apartment. I’ve been given the option of a place to hide and recuperate and if that day comes, for once I won’t feel guilty about following up on that offer. There are people that really do love me in this world and all I need to do is figure out a way to accept it.
Without a doubt, the highlight (aside from the new baby!) of the last 3 weeks has been my Christmas present from my dear friend Kelly. Not only was it a fantastic gift, it was planned as a surprise event that would include Kelly, Mariah, Angie, and me. On December 4th, we all showed up at Angie’s to have coffee (with Bailey’s of course). At 12:30pm, we got into a cab and got dropped off in front of Madison Square Garden. I looked up at the building in awe and was shocked to see that we were going to see a NY Knicks basketball game! A surge of excitement and joy coursed through my body as we all took our seats. For 3 hours, we drank beer, ate hot dogs, and enjoyed each other’s company. I had such a beautiful time that at one point I looked at Kelly and said “It’s moments like this that make me happy I’m alive”. She may not have fully understood the depth with which I meant that statement, but to me, I look back on that day as proof of my ability to feel happy. When my emotions take a tumble, I desperately try to grasp that positive feeling I had with my bestest and closest sitting by my side. Best. Christmas. Gift. Ever. For so many reasons.
With all of this going on, I’ve managed to finish almost all of my Christmas shopping. My plethora of holiday cards were mailed yesterday and I’m really on top of my game with everything – for once. I’m usually the guy that ends up spending most of Christmas Eve in the mall trying to throw together my gifts. My Christmas bonus was much more than expected and it definitely took the sting out of spending some real cash on those that I love. I may even have a little money left over at the end of the month, which I’ll obviously use towards something that I really need (ie: a new pair of shoes, a new pair of jeans, and/or a new PS2 videogame). Or maybe I’ll just put that money towards the IRS, who will barge into my life some time around mid-January.
With fingers crossed, I can only hope that the last week of chaos will be filled with crazy, but happy moments. 2005 was a year of change and growth and although my acting career isn’t exactly blossoming, I’m finally getting a grip on who I am and what I’m all about. 2006 will hopefully build off of that and catapult me into some genuine stability. And maybe even a little bit of hope.
During my college days, my friends and I came up with the theory of “3 Weeks of Chaos”. This is the three weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas and aptly named since so much crazy shit used to happen during this time period. Since college, the cycle hasn’t broken as is evident by the list of shit that’s gone down since I’ve returned from stuffing my face with turkey and mashed potatoes.
To start the chaos appropriately, my dad went a little haywire over Thanksgiving and said some unnecessary and hurtful shit to various members of the family. To his benefit (or embarrassment), he was pretty drunk at the time and the shit he said was in no way a reflection of how he feels deep down. Or was it? Whichever, my dad was an alcoholic for many years and still falls back into the nasty routine every once in a while. Although I’ve learned to live with this aspect of his personality, the wounds are always raw and fresh every time there is a new incident. I, basically, came back from my Thanksgiving weekend feeling like garbage.
Then my friend Rita gave birth! I totally think she should have named the baby “3 Weeks of Chaos” in keeping with tradition. But I guess “Ruby” is a fine name as well. It totally figures that the first baby born to one of my closest friends would happen between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I’ve never felt so proud of my dear Rita and I never needed a positive BOOST the way I needed this one. How can you feel bad about yourself when you look at a picture of Ruby with her precious little face and her tiny baby fingernails? I just love her so much already.
Although Paul and I broke up at the tail end of the summer, it’s like we’ve been breaking up with each other every day since. We made the decision to live together for one more year – based on finances, our friendship, and our fear of being completely alone. Ok, maybe that last one was more my fear than his, but I digress. Just about every single person in my life has told me that I’m making a mistake by living with him still and all that does is make it harder for me to survive this experience. Things are not going well with Paul and I spend quite a bit of time angry or in tears. But after 5 years together, should I expect anything less? Last night Paul and I had a conversation that left me scared and shaken for our future – not as boyfriends, but as the friends I thought we were. We’ve both got so much residual anger and hurt that I don’t think it will ever be possible for us to salvage any sort of a relationship. It’s incredibly devastating and the hardest part is that I don’t feel like I have a solid group of friends here to carry me through the hard times. Sure, I’ve got a million friends, but no group that shows up at my door with movies, junk food, and Kleenex. Starting over as a 28 year old single guy in NYC has turned out to be one of the loneliest and most difficult things I’ve ever had to go through. And the worst part is? I’ve never felt so shitty about myself before; as though I’m not worth being loved.
On top of all of this, I got touched by the hand of sickness last week and was in bed for days and days. Not only did I feel like crapcity, my emotions were really low and I crashed hard. My ever present depression made sure to remind me that I’m not in the clear and in fact, I still have a long road to go. There were definitely thoughts of suicide or hurting myself, but sometimes I feel so low that even THAT seems like too much effort. So I lay and stare at the wall and just wait until it’s time to go to bed, hoping that I’ll feel just a little bit better after a night’s rest.
Conversely, my therapist is extremely happy with the progress I’ve made in therapy. She is constantly reminding me that facing my demons, rather than running away, is always going to be a harder path to take, but it’s also going to be the path that leads me to personal growth and triumph. I cry every time I talk to Sophie and she hands me tissues and tells me to “let it out”. I’ve discovered the root to quite a few of my personal issues with family and friends and although I’m not at the point where I can fully let go of the anger, I’m definitely at the point where I can admit that my feelings are real and justifiable. If I were to come up with a “Cut the Shit Person of the Year”, it would clearly be Miss Sophie. While it may not feel like I’ve made headway in my personal life, Sophie consistently reminds me of the place I was at when I entered into therapy back in March. During this three week’s of chaos, I’m very lucky to have her standing by my side, encouraging me to take steps towards my recovery.
This year I made some incredible new friends: Tessafress, Randy, Tre-dawg, and Adam. I’ve spent many nights hanging out with them at their Alphabet City apartment, playing games, singing, laughing, and most importantly, feeling special. Since Thanksgiving, they’ve even met most of my close knit group of friends and they actually got along famously! So while sometimes I feel alone and pitiful, I try to remember my nights out with these people. And I know that if it ever gets really bad in my world, I can jump in a cab and head over to 5th street for some love and hugs. I’ve been told that I always have a place to stay in case things get unbearable in my apartment. I’ve been given the option of a place to hide and recuperate and if that day comes, for once I won’t feel guilty about following up on that offer. There are people that really do love me in this world and all I need to do is figure out a way to accept it.
Without a doubt, the highlight (aside from the new baby!) of the last 3 weeks has been my Christmas present from my dear friend Kelly. Not only was it a fantastic gift, it was planned as a surprise event that would include Kelly, Mariah, Angie, and me. On December 4th, we all showed up at Angie’s to have coffee (with Bailey’s of course). At 12:30pm, we got into a cab and got dropped off in front of Madison Square Garden. I looked up at the building in awe and was shocked to see that we were going to see a NY Knicks basketball game! A surge of excitement and joy coursed through my body as we all took our seats. For 3 hours, we drank beer, ate hot dogs, and enjoyed each other’s company. I had such a beautiful time that at one point I looked at Kelly and said “It’s moments like this that make me happy I’m alive”. She may not have fully understood the depth with which I meant that statement, but to me, I look back on that day as proof of my ability to feel happy. When my emotions take a tumble, I desperately try to grasp that positive feeling I had with my bestest and closest sitting by my side. Best. Christmas. Gift. Ever. For so many reasons.
With all of this going on, I’ve managed to finish almost all of my Christmas shopping. My plethora of holiday cards were mailed yesterday and I’m really on top of my game with everything – for once. I’m usually the guy that ends up spending most of Christmas Eve in the mall trying to throw together my gifts. My Christmas bonus was much more than expected and it definitely took the sting out of spending some real cash on those that I love. I may even have a little money left over at the end of the month, which I’ll obviously use towards something that I really need (ie: a new pair of shoes, a new pair of jeans, and/or a new PS2 videogame). Or maybe I’ll just put that money towards the IRS, who will barge into my life some time around mid-January.
With fingers crossed, I can only hope that the last week of chaos will be filled with crazy, but happy moments. 2005 was a year of change and growth and although my acting career isn’t exactly blossoming, I’m finally getting a grip on who I am and what I’m all about. 2006 will hopefully build off of that and catapult me into some genuine stability. And maybe even a little bit of hope.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Ruby Katherine
At 12:44pm yesterday, my best friend Rita gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl named Ruby Katherine! Ruby was born at 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 18 ¼ inches long. The first pictures of her made their way to me this morning and I couldn’t be more proud or happy in all my life. My girl is a mommy!
I was at the elevator, getting ready to go out last night, when my phone rang and on the other end of the line, I hear Rita say “Joe?” I stopped dead in my tracks and said “Rita?!” She responded “Guess who’s an uncle??” I ran back to my apartment and immediately sat down. With tears streaming down my face, I listened to Rita tell me all about the birth process.
Ruby took 7 hours to pop her head out of Miss Rita’s vagina. I don’t know if it was the epidural or what, but Rita seemed very at peace last night and I could feel her glowing through the phone. When I see Rita and her darling Ruby, I’m going to feel a sense of pride and love that I’ve never experienced before. Although I’m not a blood relative, there is no doubt in my mind that I will be Uncle Joe for the rest of Ruby’s beautiful life. She’s my first and most prized baby. I already feel such a powerful protection over her, the same as I feel over her mother. But maybe moreso with Ruby, only cuz I know that this is something that Rita has wanted for her entire life.
Thank God for this wonderful miracle and thank God that Rita came out of the pregnancy healthy and happy. All of my worries about Rita having a difficult birth are now washed away and have been replaced with relief, pride, and excitement!
I absolutely can’t wait to see the most beautiful baby that has ever been born.
At 12:44pm yesterday, my best friend Rita gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl named Ruby Katherine! Ruby was born at 7 pounds, 8 ounces and was 18 ¼ inches long. The first pictures of her made their way to me this morning and I couldn’t be more proud or happy in all my life. My girl is a mommy!
I was at the elevator, getting ready to go out last night, when my phone rang and on the other end of the line, I hear Rita say “Joe?” I stopped dead in my tracks and said “Rita?!” She responded “Guess who’s an uncle??” I ran back to my apartment and immediately sat down. With tears streaming down my face, I listened to Rita tell me all about the birth process.
Ruby took 7 hours to pop her head out of Miss Rita’s vagina. I don’t know if it was the epidural or what, but Rita seemed very at peace last night and I could feel her glowing through the phone. When I see Rita and her darling Ruby, I’m going to feel a sense of pride and love that I’ve never experienced before. Although I’m not a blood relative, there is no doubt in my mind that I will be Uncle Joe for the rest of Ruby’s beautiful life. She’s my first and most prized baby. I already feel such a powerful protection over her, the same as I feel over her mother. But maybe moreso with Ruby, only cuz I know that this is something that Rita has wanted for her entire life.
Thank God for this wonderful miracle and thank God that Rita came out of the pregnancy healthy and happy. All of my worries about Rita having a difficult birth are now washed away and have been replaced with relief, pride, and excitement!
I absolutely can’t wait to see the most beautiful baby that has ever been born.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Hippos
On Sunday I was watching a National Geographic "Rare Moments Caught on Tape" and I saw footage that rocked me to my emotional core.
A gazelle had been attacked by an alligator and lay dying in the dirt. The poor thing was damn tore up. A hippo happened to be meandering by and noticed the hurt animal. It walked over to the gazelle and started licking it on the forehead.
I looked at Paul and said "I thought hippos were herbivores! Why is she going to eat the gazelle?" Paul said "Just watch." Side note: Paul watches National Geographic all the time so he had seen the episode prior.
The hippo licked the gazelle and then put it's head in her mouth. She closed down hard and stayed in that position for a few seconds.
"Paul, she's eating the gazelle! I can't watch this."
"Joe, just watch."
As a huge animal lover, I nervously watched with eyes peeking through my fingers...
The hippo then picked up the gazelle's head and held it in her mouth until the gazelle went limp. Then the hippo licked the gazelle's head and walked off.
I looked at Paul confused. "Wha happened?"
Paul explained, "Hippos are very sensitive animals. She noticed that the gazelle was hurt and dying and she put it's head in her mouth in order to kill it. She wanted the gazelle's suffering to end."
My jaw fell to the floor.
The narrator came on and said "Hippos are very sensitive animals and when they see an animal hurt, they will euthanize them to ease the pain."
I was agape.
First, that Paul knew the narration word by word, and second, that hippos are this emotionally driven.
For some reason I couldn't wait to write about this in my journal. Strange, I know. But amazing? Oh yeah.
Hippos are nicer than me, I think.
On Sunday I was watching a National Geographic "Rare Moments Caught on Tape" and I saw footage that rocked me to my emotional core.
A gazelle had been attacked by an alligator and lay dying in the dirt. The poor thing was damn tore up. A hippo happened to be meandering by and noticed the hurt animal. It walked over to the gazelle and started licking it on the forehead.
I looked at Paul and said "I thought hippos were herbivores! Why is she going to eat the gazelle?" Paul said "Just watch." Side note: Paul watches National Geographic all the time so he had seen the episode prior.
The hippo licked the gazelle and then put it's head in her mouth. She closed down hard and stayed in that position for a few seconds.
"Paul, she's eating the gazelle! I can't watch this."
"Joe, just watch."
As a huge animal lover, I nervously watched with eyes peeking through my fingers...
The hippo then picked up the gazelle's head and held it in her mouth until the gazelle went limp. Then the hippo licked the gazelle's head and walked off.
I looked at Paul confused. "Wha happened?"
Paul explained, "Hippos are very sensitive animals. She noticed that the gazelle was hurt and dying and she put it's head in her mouth in order to kill it. She wanted the gazelle's suffering to end."
My jaw fell to the floor.
The narrator came on and said "Hippos are very sensitive animals and when they see an animal hurt, they will euthanize them to ease the pain."
I was agape.
First, that Paul knew the narration word by word, and second, that hippos are this emotionally driven.
For some reason I couldn't wait to write about this in my journal. Strange, I know. But amazing? Oh yeah.
Hippos are nicer than me, I think.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Wanna Be In Rent?
Earlier this week, I was clued in to THIS website. Basically it’s information on how to apply for Rent. It’s been my dream, for years, to be a part of this brilliant production. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a professional singer, but I definitely have some raw and untapped talent that may just be perfect for this show. And if anything, it’s my first professional audition and Lord knows I really need to start taking part in those. Just to stand on that stage, singing my heart out, putting my all out there for criticism and most likely, rejection. It’s a feeling I need to become comfortable with and more importantly, used to.
With my headshot and resume, I sent the following letter:
December 2, 2005
To Whom It May Concern:
First I wanted to thank you for opening this envelope! I was incredibly excited to find the “wannabeinrent” website online. Since Rent first opened in 1996, I have been a passionate and dedicated fan. It was during my first viewing of this remarkable production that my life was forever changed; the issues that were presented, the powerful score, the characters that were inspiring and utterly engaging. I’ve seen the Broadway production 8 times since it first opened and to this day, I play the soundtrack about once a week, just so that I have all the words forever at the forefront of my mind. I’ve never been so enamored by a piece of art in my life.
I’ve included my headshot and resume in the hopes of being invited for an audition. It’s been one of my biggest dreams to be a part of this production. I think about it all the time. I am a singer, but I don’t have much professional training. If you’re looking for raw and unexposed talent, I hope you will find that in me. The roles that I think I would be appropriate for me are Mark and Gordon. I know Gordon only has a small solo, but I love his character. Always have.
I take direction very well and I’m an eager and ready to work actor. I’m an incredibly nice guy and am always open to new and exciting experiences. After living in NYC for the last 4 years, I’ve truly realized what it means to be a struggling artist. Rather than continue to be beaten down by the hardships of artistic pursuit, I’m holding my head up high and making small steps to the only career I can ever see for myself. To me, Rent is the epitomy of everything real, natural, and beautiful in the world.
I wish there was some other way for me to explain how deeply in love with this show I am. I hope this short letter gives you a brief look inside the passion and devotion I have for Jonathan Larson’s masterpiece.
Thank you!
Sincerely,
Joe CuttheShit
And of course…with a last name like “CuttheShit”, how could I NOT get asked to audition? Ha!
We’ll see. I’m just proud of myself for actually stepping out of my hole and applying for this. In the past, I would have beaten myself down so much that I never would have given this a second thought.
“No Day, But Today”, eh folks?
Earlier this week, I was clued in to THIS website. Basically it’s information on how to apply for Rent. It’s been my dream, for years, to be a part of this brilliant production. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a professional singer, but I definitely have some raw and untapped talent that may just be perfect for this show. And if anything, it’s my first professional audition and Lord knows I really need to start taking part in those. Just to stand on that stage, singing my heart out, putting my all out there for criticism and most likely, rejection. It’s a feeling I need to become comfortable with and more importantly, used to.
With my headshot and resume, I sent the following letter:
December 2, 2005
To Whom It May Concern:
First I wanted to thank you for opening this envelope! I was incredibly excited to find the “wannabeinrent” website online. Since Rent first opened in 1996, I have been a passionate and dedicated fan. It was during my first viewing of this remarkable production that my life was forever changed; the issues that were presented, the powerful score, the characters that were inspiring and utterly engaging. I’ve seen the Broadway production 8 times since it first opened and to this day, I play the soundtrack about once a week, just so that I have all the words forever at the forefront of my mind. I’ve never been so enamored by a piece of art in my life.
I’ve included my headshot and resume in the hopes of being invited for an audition. It’s been one of my biggest dreams to be a part of this production. I think about it all the time. I am a singer, but I don’t have much professional training. If you’re looking for raw and unexposed talent, I hope you will find that in me. The roles that I think I would be appropriate for me are Mark and Gordon. I know Gordon only has a small solo, but I love his character. Always have.
I take direction very well and I’m an eager and ready to work actor. I’m an incredibly nice guy and am always open to new and exciting experiences. After living in NYC for the last 4 years, I’ve truly realized what it means to be a struggling artist. Rather than continue to be beaten down by the hardships of artistic pursuit, I’m holding my head up high and making small steps to the only career I can ever see for myself. To me, Rent is the epitomy of everything real, natural, and beautiful in the world.
I wish there was some other way for me to explain how deeply in love with this show I am. I hope this short letter gives you a brief look inside the passion and devotion I have for Jonathan Larson’s masterpiece.
Thank you!
Sincerely,
Joe CuttheShit
And of course…with a last name like “CuttheShit”, how could I NOT get asked to audition? Ha!
We’ll see. I’m just proud of myself for actually stepping out of my hole and applying for this. In the past, I would have beaten myself down so much that I never would have given this a second thought.
“No Day, But Today”, eh folks?
Thursday, December 01, 2005
So Many Questions, Have I
Why is it December in NYC, yet today is the first day I’ve actually had to wear a jacket? It’s usually freezing here from November to May. Global Warming, I heart you.
Although it was critically acclaimed, why was The Cinderella Man re-released into the theaters? As far as I knew, no one wanted to see the movie the first time. And considering that Russell Crowe is a tremendous douchebag, you couldn’t pay me to watch it until it comes out on TNT as a Network Premiere.
What the F is going to happen when the numbers on Lost aren’t entered correctly into the computer within the 108 minute time period? I’m scared. And also excited. And also hungry.
Why are so many people upset with the job President Bush is doing in office NOW? What the hell is different from last November when ya’ll had a chance to boot his retarded ass? I mean, seriously. And I don’t even like the word “retarded”, but I honestly can’t think of any better way to describe this pompous moron.
How did Ashley Simpson reach #1 on Billboard’s top 100? I demand to know how. You (the buyer of said CD) can’t possibly ENJOY her “music”. I mean, you just can’t. Please. You. Just. Can’t.
Considering that there was no pre-nup, is it fair that Nick Lachey will get half of everything Jessica Simpson earned last year? Personally, I don’t care about the morals involved. I just hope that I get what I’m deserved in the settlement: both of them to go to sleep forever. Sleep tight sweet idiots.
To cap off the Simpson family in general, is there anyone left on the planet who DOESN’T believe that Joe Simpson is the creepiest, most incestual, father on the planet? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbarf.
Is Madonna really “Hung Up”? Cuz I zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Is The Family Guy really that hilarious? I’ve been a Simpsons fan for about a kajillion years now and suddenly, all of the die hards are switching over to the Guy. I caught parts of the episode on Sunday and my Lord, how much I laughed! (however, The Simpsons reign supreme in the ratings and also in my love, forever.)
Why did it take me 3 years to realize that less is more when it comes to using pomeade? I used to be so spriggy and now I’m totally full head of hair and gorge. What a nice change.
How embarrassed am I that CSI has been the top rated show for years now and I’ve never seen a full episode? Yet, I’ve seen every season of America’s Next Top Model. WHAT. It’s GOOD.
How old will I be when gays are finally allowed to get married? Coincidentally, how old will I be when my father stops saying things like “I’m pretty sure that homosexuals are the most hated group in America. Don’t get your hopes up.”
Why is it that my dad says shit like that, but is super supportive otherwise? Why do ANY straight people give a shit whether I can get married or not? I’m calling it boredom and lack of hobbies.
How come my therapist can pull tears out of me within 30 seconds of walking through her door, yet sometimes I find it impossible to cry in front of people I’ve known for 10 years?
Where the hell did this year go and why am I not a superstar by now? Hmmm.
When is the last baby tooth in my mouth finally going to curl up and die and fall out of my mouth?
When am I finally going to give up pizza for cauliflower? Cuz…why can’t I be happy being 450#?
Is your man on the floor? If ain’t, let me know.
Why do I keep having dreams that I’m being busted for possession of marijuana? Is this a sign of some sort? A foreshadowing perhaps?
What do you do when you see someone that you’ve had a falling out with on Match.com? Do you laugh and move on? That’s what I did! And boy, what a laugh we all had.
How hard is it to be an atheist? To have nothing to look forward to? Poor little fellas.
Why am I obsessed with guys who have huge biceps? Why is it that they can look like sloth from Goonies, but if they’ve got a nice and large peak on their arm, I’m smitten?
Why is it time for me to take my nap? Cuz, why am I a 73 year old man living in the body of a charming 28 year old?
Why is it December in NYC, yet today is the first day I’ve actually had to wear a jacket? It’s usually freezing here from November to May. Global Warming, I heart you.
Although it was critically acclaimed, why was The Cinderella Man re-released into the theaters? As far as I knew, no one wanted to see the movie the first time. And considering that Russell Crowe is a tremendous douchebag, you couldn’t pay me to watch it until it comes out on TNT as a Network Premiere.
What the F is going to happen when the numbers on Lost aren’t entered correctly into the computer within the 108 minute time period? I’m scared. And also excited. And also hungry.
Why are so many people upset with the job President Bush is doing in office NOW? What the hell is different from last November when ya’ll had a chance to boot his retarded ass? I mean, seriously. And I don’t even like the word “retarded”, but I honestly can’t think of any better way to describe this pompous moron.
How did Ashley Simpson reach #1 on Billboard’s top 100? I demand to know how. You (the buyer of said CD) can’t possibly ENJOY her “music”. I mean, you just can’t. Please. You. Just. Can’t.
Considering that there was no pre-nup, is it fair that Nick Lachey will get half of everything Jessica Simpson earned last year? Personally, I don’t care about the morals involved. I just hope that I get what I’m deserved in the settlement: both of them to go to sleep forever. Sleep tight sweet idiots.
To cap off the Simpson family in general, is there anyone left on the planet who DOESN’T believe that Joe Simpson is the creepiest, most incestual, father on the planet? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbarf.
Is Madonna really “Hung Up”? Cuz I zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Is The Family Guy really that hilarious? I’ve been a Simpsons fan for about a kajillion years now and suddenly, all of the die hards are switching over to the Guy. I caught parts of the episode on Sunday and my Lord, how much I laughed! (however, The Simpsons reign supreme in the ratings and also in my love, forever.)
Why did it take me 3 years to realize that less is more when it comes to using pomeade? I used to be so spriggy and now I’m totally full head of hair and gorge. What a nice change.
How embarrassed am I that CSI has been the top rated show for years now and I’ve never seen a full episode? Yet, I’ve seen every season of America’s Next Top Model. WHAT. It’s GOOD.
How old will I be when gays are finally allowed to get married? Coincidentally, how old will I be when my father stops saying things like “I’m pretty sure that homosexuals are the most hated group in America. Don’t get your hopes up.”
Why is it that my dad says shit like that, but is super supportive otherwise? Why do ANY straight people give a shit whether I can get married or not? I’m calling it boredom and lack of hobbies.
How come my therapist can pull tears out of me within 30 seconds of walking through her door, yet sometimes I find it impossible to cry in front of people I’ve known for 10 years?
Where the hell did this year go and why am I not a superstar by now? Hmmm.
When is the last baby tooth in my mouth finally going to curl up and die and fall out of my mouth?
When am I finally going to give up pizza for cauliflower? Cuz…why can’t I be happy being 450#?
Is your man on the floor? If ain’t, let me know.
Why do I keep having dreams that I’m being busted for possession of marijuana? Is this a sign of some sort? A foreshadowing perhaps?
What do you do when you see someone that you’ve had a falling out with on Match.com? Do you laugh and move on? That’s what I did! And boy, what a laugh we all had.
How hard is it to be an atheist? To have nothing to look forward to? Poor little fellas.
Why am I obsessed with guys who have huge biceps? Why is it that they can look like sloth from Goonies, but if they’ve got a nice and large peak on their arm, I’m smitten?
Why is it time for me to take my nap? Cuz, why am I a 73 year old man living in the body of a charming 28 year old?
